Wedding guest list etiquette for intimate celebrations. The art of wedding guest list etiquette. Navigating small wedding guest list. A guide to etiquette for your intimate wedding.
Planning a small and intimate wedding is an enchanting journey. But we understand it can get tricky “picking” who should make it to your wedding guest list.
Your wedding guest list is more than a collection of names; it’s a symphony of relationships, memories, and shared moments. As you get started on this planning adventure, consider it an opportunity to craft an intimate ensemble of individuals who will add joy, warmth, and significance to your celebration.
Like any beautiful melody, your guest list should strike a harmonious balance. It’s a delicate dance between inviting those closest to your heart and considering practical factors such as venue capacity and budget constraints. The goal is to create an atmosphere where every guest feels not only welcomed but cherished.
In this guide, we are diving into the ins and outs, plus navigating around difficult conversations around managing your guest list for your small and intimate wedding.
Wedding Guest List Etiquette For Intimate Celebrations
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Get the “generic” story moving along
Communicate your wedding goals, style, and size from the beginning. If questions arise, graciously explain your decision, emphasizing the desire for an intimate celebration with those closest to you.
Clear communication helps manage expectations. You’ll hear more about this later in this article.
RELATED: HOW TO CREATE A WEDDING GUEST LIST
What is your magic number?
Decide on your maximum number. This can be perhaps a personal preference, or it can also be to fit the budget that you’ve set. But set the number so you can start working on looking for a venue.
What can your venue handle?
At this point, you most likely know what your chosen venue can handle and it most likely matches your magic number. A venue that aligns with your vision and budget. The capacity of the venue will play a crucial role in ensuring that your magic number – not just your guest list but also your wedding budget is met.
Determine your inner circle
This is more of a thoughtful process. Depending on the size of your inner circle, there will still be more “process of prioritization” that will happen.
The “top” people that come to mind are the ones that you should start with.
RELATED: IDEAS FOR A SMALL WEDDING: TOP 15 FOR YOUR INTIMATE BIG DAY
Start with your immediate family (wedding guest list etiquette)
These are the people who have played a significant role in your life and have likely been eagerly participating and have been most likely involved in planning your big day.
Prioritize immediate family, closest friends, and individuals who have played a significant role in your life.
Now this is not as easy as it sounds right? If you have a big family, and I mean a big family that almost already matches your total guest count, start with the most immediate circle first.
List those people and then the rest, we can go back and discuss later.
Closest friends
Invite your closest friends, the ones who have been with you through thick and thin. Focus on those whose presence will add joy and meaningful connection to your celebrations.
Also, are you okay with them having a plus one? Plus ones can easily add up, but also can easily make someone decline, so thread lightly.
Supportive relationships
Think about the individuals in your life who have been a source of support and encouragement for your relationship. It can be someone who has introduced the two of you, or someone who invited you to a party or event in which you met your partner.
This can also include close friends, mentors, or colleagues who have played a role in your love story.
Connection over obligation
Prioritize people based on the quality of your relationship rather than obligations. Yep. We know it’s easy to say, hard to do, especially if you have a big family and circle of friends – remember what we mentioned earlier? We’ll discuss more in our next point.
Small weddings are an opportunity to be surrounded by those who truly matter, so choose people who genuinely add value to your celebration and “gets” your relationship.
RELATED: BEST WEDDING VENUES FOR SMALL WEDDINGS: INTIMATE
Extended family and friends
Now let’s talk about how to navigate the extended family that your immediate family wanted to invite but just can’t due to your guest number limitations.
Now, if you have some personal opinions as to why you don’t want to invite them, at this time, it’s better to blame it on the venue restrictions to avoid any more drama to resurface.
Remember how we started this earlier when we said to “get the generic story moving along?
It’s becuase your immediate family should be able to support you and stand up for your decision with your extended family. This also goes with your extended friends, in which your closest friends should be able to stand up for you about your small and intimate wedding decision.
If you communicate with your immediate friends and family that you are choosing a small and intimate wedding due to (insert your reasonable and valid reason here) – they should be able to share that and pass it along the circle.
When you are choosing a reason to share – whether it be the true reason or a reason you want to spread to engage in less drama, share it in an empathetic way.
Remember that these extended friends and family love you. Just because they are extended, doesn’t mean they love you any less (or maybe they do?) – but, the truth is, if you have the opportunity to invite them, you most likely will.
Expect that some people will decline (wedding guest list etiquette)
Depending on the number that you have, expect that some people will decline. To of course no fault of their own. It can be just by conflict of schedule or their circumstance altogether.
Having said that, your small and intimate number can have a possibility to be “smaller” and “more intimate.”
Individual feelings
Know that some sad stories might reach you, especially from those people who weren’t invited.
Depending on your relationship with them, you might even be able to have lunch event with them to tell them the engagement news and share it with them, but also share with them personally the decision that you have made to go small and intimate.
Sure you don’t have to “explain” your decision. But if these people are still important to you, it will be nice to show some gesture of thanks to them for how they impacted or supported your relationship.
Mention it on your invitation
This might be an unpopular option. But it’s always good to set the expectations for your guests. If you are having an intimate wedding, including that bit on your invitation (printed or digital) will help your guests determine if they actually want to go.
It can sound like “you are invited to the intimate wedding of..” – this will give them a sense of what to expect.
If you don’t want to mention it in your invitation, you can mention it personally to the people you are inviting. Or you can put it up on your wedding website.
Options (wedding guest list etiquette)
I mean we’ve survived Covid lockdowns and restrictions by streaming weddings in the past. Who’s to say we cannot do that anymore under other circumstances?
You can let the individuals in your life who weren’t able to make it to the “list” watch a live stream of your wedding – if this is something you are comfortable with.
Another option is putting up a post-wedding event which is more relaxed. Perhaps even a potluck in a backyard or at a restaurant. It can be appetizers only or a cocktail-style wedding in which you will save a significant amount of money compared to inviting them to your “wedding”.
If you are open, you can also invite them to your engagement party and speak to them individually to let them know your plans to have a small and intimate wedding and that as much as you’d want to be there, you are working with specific limitations.
There is no “right” or “wrong” way of doing things. You will essentially know what is best for your circumstance.
It’s always good to remember that showing your love and concern for people who might not have “made” it to your wedding list is essential.
They have also been part of your life and making them feel special even if they are not invited to the wedding is a kind gesture.
Remember, your wedding day is about sharing your love with those who matter most. Choosing the guests for your small and intimate wedding is an opportunity to create a warm and personal atmosphere, surrounded by the people who have played significant roles in your lives.
